you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
