I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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