I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
