If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
