Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
