i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
