I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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