I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
