just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
