shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
