There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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