how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
