You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
