I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
