I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
