u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
