i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
