we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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