Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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