i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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