Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
