theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
