If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
and you fell through a lawn chair
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
