I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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