Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
