just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
