i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
