in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
