the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
