Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
