so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
