Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
