I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
