you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
