Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
