3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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