gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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