he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
