Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just pee around me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
