I wannas sexs uuuuu
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
