every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
