i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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