I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
