So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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