Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
