Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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