So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
