I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
