you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
