Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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